Sibling rivalry: Declaring a winner

 I remember when Miriam and I first got married, we saw a couples communication seminar advertised at a local hotel, the Crowne Plaza. I convinced Miriam to go, thinking that it would yield some benefit, and certainly couldn't hurt. The one thing I remember from the event was a breakout session. The two moderators, elderly bubby-like ladies who sponsored the event in memory of a deceased relative, asked each group member to think about the most important thing to remember when in the midst of an argument with your spouse. 

I had the good fortune to be in a group with another very young, cool and chill couple and when the moderators asked them, "So what did you decide is of utmost importance when arguing with your spouse?" the guy, totally nonplussed said, "Declaring a winner!" The hundred-some people there couldn't help but smirking, and laughing, and the older of the two moderators stared down the man - at first confused, and then smitten with annoyance at his callousness, as if the deceased relative was spinning in his grave, equally slighted by the wanton and flagrant remark. 

Now, to the topic at hand, it would seem to me that more than anything (although perhaps less so in a marriage), "declaring a winner" is part and parcel of our biblical narrative - and the divine plan - in ascertaining who will be the forbearer of each and every successive generation of our people. 

A friend of mine, Yonatan Rappaport, a frequent guest at our home and a former officer in the Soviet regime, said it very succinctly, "Judaism believes in capitalism, not in communism." In essence, what the Almighty seems to want is to find out who really wants it the most, who is willing to risk it all to see to it that His word and vision doesn't perish from this world. For Judaism is a meritocracy of the highest order, not an Ayn Rand like meritocracy where the industrial elite gloat when the lights go out because all of the world's progress is founded on their ingenuity and caprice. But rather one where in order to pass the baton and the torch from one generation to the next, a damper needs to be placed on those alien influences whose light would only adulterate and take away from the light of the Jewish people burning true. 

From one generation to the next, from Cain and Abel, through the forefathers - Isaac chosen over Ishmael, Jacob over Esau, Joseph and Judah over Reuben, we see a constant preference, until the days of the Messiah of the younger chosen over the older. Maybe it's because the younger is the underdog, or because Judaism is a meritocracy, and against determinism, or because of some other hidden motif interwoven in the fabric of our collective narrative, but more than anything, Judaism's message seems to be TANSTAAFL, materially, religiously, or spiritually. Rivalry is part of life, and everyone has to strive to make his mark.