Adultery and Priestly Gifts

 Years and years ago, when I was in Queens College, a very kind-hearted Reform family reached out to me and asked me to prepare their son for his bar mitzvah. I have no recollection of how they got to me, but more than anything, I was impressed by the parent's genuine desire that their son know how to read each and every word of the portion that would become his own. That parsha was Nasso, this week's portion. We read each and every word, and covered a wide range of topics, from the different duties of different Levite families in the mishkan, the holy tabernacle, to the laws of purity in the Jewish camp and the fidelity expected in a Jewish home, and the unfortunate sequence of events that would be set in motion if a woman was suspected of being adulterous. Likewise, we spoke about the laws of the Nazirite, and the gifts brought by the nesi'im, the heads of each and every tribe. I remember even asking a halachic question of a rabbinical authority; the 12-year-old child had the never heard of phylacteries, tefillin (when you teach a 12-year old a lot of different things come up): "As I taught the child in the evenings, was I allowed to show him tefillin and put it on in one of our meetings after the commandment, strictly reserved for the daytime, was no longer applicable?" (As an aside, the rabbi said "Yes.")

Of all of the things we learned together – and again, I was flabbergasted at the parents' openness, and willingness to have an Orthodox Jew teach their reform child – what most struck me was a Rashi on the topic of the priestly gifts and the adulterous woman. "Why," Rashi asks, "are the two portions juxtaposed? Because, if a man is stingy and refuses to go to the kohen (the priest) and bring him the gifts mandated by law, he will have to go to him later to ascertain whether his wife had committed adultery."

Michael, the 12-year-old child, and I discussed this Rashi at length. We both found the connection between the two rather strange. If my memory serves me correctly, Michael even posited that the woman would be happy because the man now has more money that he can use for her. We struggled to understand what the rabbis were trying to teach us. "Why would a man's parsimoniousness and frugality be concomitant with adultery and infidelity?"

I think the resolution, or conclusion, we reached was that usually how you relate to poor people, or others in need, affects how you treat your own household. This man who refused to give the kohen the gifts he relied upon, would also close his fist when it came to generosity towards his own wife, and children.

Years later, as I find myself reflecting on those very nice weekly sessions we both looked forward to, it strikes me that perhaps Rashi was also telling us something else as well. The kohen, this parsha teaches us, was the source of blessing for all of the Jewish people. The Torah states that after the kohen blessed the Jewish people with his 3-part blessing, then Hashem would bless the Jewish people. In essence, a person who holds back on giving the kohen his fair due, is somebody suspicious by nature. He starts asking questions like, "What did he do for me? Why should I forfeit my hard-earned money for him, this low-life, this parasite, who gives nothing to society, and only takes for himself?" A person who takes that attitude to life, before long, will be suspecting his wife, not necessarily because his wife has done anything, but rather because the same way he doesn't trust others to be genuinely good and reflect their goodness upon him, he doesn't see himself worthy of his wife's loyalty, and trust. More than anything, his inability to see the good in others, becomes his own undoing, and he becomes the victim of his own short-sightedness and refusal to believe that someone else genuinely cares about him.