Can Wayward Sons Return their Parents to the Fold?

The paradigm of the "Four Sons," is probably the best known from the Passover Hagaddah. There are many an interpretation about what the proper response is for the wicked son in the view of the Hagaddah; today, though, we would say, "the child who has gone off the derech." Some say the Hagaddah teaches us we should knock out one of the child's teeth, others, that we best take the fire out of his belly, take away from some of his venom, vitriol. To blunt, or take the edge out of his sharp tongue. Little known, though, are the words of the Midrash that present an alternate rendering of the words of the Hagaddah; they say, in no uncertain words, "As long as a child is still asking questions, you must bring him closer. Any child, whose ember is still kindled, who still posits, wonders, and contemplates can be brought closer by the sheer power of his very own imagination." When a child ceases to ask, to wonder, then he or she has closed the door to the possibility of being brought closer, which is why, perhaps, Rabbi Moshe Shapira Z"L taught us, the students of Pitchei Olam, that the entirety of seder night rests on transforming the child who can't ask questions to the child who is simple-minded, yet, who has been instilled with the confidence and pitchon peh to wonder, to posit, to postulate, like the wicked child. 

Thus the irony is that our greatest fear as a people is not the "wicked son," but rather, the son, like Elisha ben Abuyah, perhaps, whose imagination has been stultified, who no longer hopes, whose teeth are clamped closed, who can't get a word out not for fear, but rather, for lack of drive, lack of emotion - the one who seeks to care. 

And perhaps, within them, lays the greatest potential, the greatest openness and portal for growth. It would seem, in a bit of a perverse way, that that is Moshe's request of Hashem when he asks Hashem to save Aharon after he sinned in the Sin of the Golden Calf. The Medrash writes that Moshe chose an eyeopening analogy to ask for Aharon's pardon: "Can it be," Moshe asks, "that a bitter well will give off sweet waters, that bitter roots, will yield sweet fruits?" 

"Look," Moshe continues, "at the branches of the altar. To burn the sacred sacrifices, you are not allowed to use the branches of the olive tree or the grape vine. For, out of respect for the olive oil used for meal offerings, and wine used for libation, you honor the root, the tree, that has given way to the fruit. And so look at the fruit, and pity the one who has given it to you. Look at Aharon's sons, and the potential they have to bring him, their father, closer to You, and condone his sins. The sons can bring their father closer, if they are given space, time, and the ability to work through their problems."

The Medrash, on this past week's Parshah, Tzav, is a fascinating one. Every so often we have parents who are high achievers, and their children seem to feel they can't make the parents' mark, and perhaps, they rebel, act - it would seem - in contravention of what their parents have taught them. But here, in our case, it would seem that the parents so set on success are the ones who may have missed the mark, and its the silent rebellion, and the need to bring out the children, that ultimately, often, can teach the parents an even deeper message. It is the parents who are saved by the children, englightened by them, illuminated by them. The kindling of the light of the menorah is thus metaphysical, transformative, and metaphorical of a light that needs to be sparked in both child and parent, and every so often it is the child who needs to open up the heart and the parents, and not the opposite. Thus, perhaps, for the proverbial "wicked son," the message is not to blunt his teeth, or knock a tooth out, or knock some sense in to him, but rather facilitate his passage from an angry person to one who can flash you his teeth, as he opens his mouth, inviting you on his journey, using the power of speech to bring you into his world.