The Child Comes First: Seder Night

Having taught in classrooms for over a decade, the thought struck me that gems of wisdom could be gleaned from the paradigm of the four sons presented in the Haggadah in the Passover Seder. I'd like to place special focus on the order in which the sons are presented.

The first son to be addressed is the wise son. And the question can be asked, why is he the first son to receive attention? Why not the wicked son – or the one who can't even open his mouth to ask a question?!

It would seem that there's an educational methodology here that can be transplanted to the classroom setting, that sheds light on triaging, prioritizing, and deciding which educational issues are most pressing.

The wicked son is not addressed first because it would seem wrong to put him first; also, when you put him first, he can sap the teacher of his strength, causing him to get bogged down in behavioral issues; likewise, the troublemaker – the one who tries to test the teacher at every turn, usually bides his time, if only a little, before trying the teacher's nerves. He tries to feel him out, to wait for any sign of weakness, ready to pounce – so, what does the teacher do? He first creates a paradigm of success, putting the attentive, even gifted student on a pedestal, so as to create an example for others to which they can strive.

Only thereafter, can the wicked child – who has seen an example of success, righteousness and integrity – be judged based on his actions. The wicked child, first and foremost, tries to undermine the Jewish establishment, separating himself from the public good, and thus denigrating the interests of others. He tries to apply peer pressure to warp others better judgment, to prod them to follow in his errant ways by virtue of either charisma, or emotional appeal. "Why are you," he asks them, "squandering your time on these worthless rituals? What value could they possibly offer you?"

The answer to the wicked child is, "Have it your way! If you are so set on distancing yourself from the larger needs of society, then, you really have no place in it."

"Blunt his teeth," – not "knock out his teeth" as it is commonly mistranslated. Take some of the fire out of his belly, cut him down to size. Marginalize him so that his behavior doesn't hurt him, but even more importantly, have a ripple effect on the other children, the other sons.

Then comes the "simpleton," the "simple" son who knows how to ask questions, but whose questions are missing information. His picture is incomplete, he's missing details, and needs to be led by hand so as to grasp the larger picture. He has no ill intent, yet lacks the natural intelligence, or that cultivated over time by the wiser of the sons – and so, after having seen the dichotomy that bifurcates between the wise and wicked sons, he is steeled with the ability to choose for himself which path to take. Also, after having answered to the needs of each of the prior sons, the father, mother, or in my case, teacher, is free to direct his resources to the son whose mental energies are now free to learn.

Last, but certainly not least, comes the son who doesn't even know how to ask questions. Rabbi Moshe Shapira Z"L, was wont to say that the whole purpose of the seder is to take the last son and make him into a tam, to facilitate the learning process of the child who feels stultified by helping him or her discover their inner voice. The simple ability to ask questions is ever so poignantly powerful, and often so lacking – and thus, Rav Shapira taught, it behooves the one leading the seder to help the weakest son, on the face of things, become him or herself by asking the questions that most touch their inner soul.